I hope i'm poisting this right....

2/24/06
Dear Diary
I had a dream last night. It was horrible, way beyond a nightmare. I dreamed I was human. Something I had been wanting for awhile. A voice then spoke “This is what you wanted, is it not?” Then on the edge to the darkness someone appeared. I don’t want to say who, but when he looked at me with his deep blue eyes and smiled his funny half smile. As I blush and smile back my heart melts and I become lost in his eyes. He reaches out to me, but as I begin to move he’s suddenly lost in darkness. I look around, but I saw nothing. I feel a funny prickling in my legs and arms and when I looked I recoiled in horror. I was changing back to my hybrid form; I began to panic “No, no this isn’t happing!” But I keep changing. My feet are already changed back to fox’s paws. The nails on my hand become sharper. Fur has all ready come to my waist and elbows. “NO” I pled, “let me stay human” The voice answers “Why would you want to be something that your not?” “I don’t want to an animal any more” I screamed into the blackness, but the change went on. My ears move to the top of my head, lengthen, and become pointy. My face begins to stretch and soon my muzzle is back
. Fur finally covers my whole body as I fall down and begin to cry. Once more the voice begins to talk “You are not an animal Fox, But are nether are you human.” “No” I sob. My tailbone grows and soon blossoms into my tail. The voice continues to talk ignoring my pleading, “You cannot change who you are.” I awoke in a cold sweet, the voice last words still echoing in my head, my breathing was quick and shallow, it takes me a few moments to realize my surroundings. I was home. But something was still off, in a few seconds I realized just what it was.
My “master” was sitting up and I was in his lap. He was cradling my body and my head was tenderly pressed against his chest. One hand was under my chin holding my head and he was massaging my cheek with his thumb; the other one was slowly and gently rubbing up and down my arm. He was talking and it took me another moment to really hear just what he was saying. “Shhh, its ok, I’m here, it going to be ok now,” much like a mother does when her child is scared.
I immediately started to calm, my breathing started to slow down and deepen, and realized that I was covered in sweat and something else I couldn’t place right then. A smell was hovering in the air, not of sweat, but of something more foreboding. When I finally looked up at his face it was bathed in moonlight coming thro the window, it was contorted with fear and worry, but when I looked it changed into one of pure relief.
I then snuggled back into his muscled chest, drew my feet up to my chest, so that I was in a ball all the way in his lap and closed my eyes and continued to calm down. We stayed like that, bathed in the moonlight, for about 10 min or so when he finally asked “Are you all right?” “Yes” “Bad dream?” “Ya” “You remember?” “No” I lied. I was glad that it was dark so he couldn’t see me blush, it still felt strange for me to lie to him, I’ve always been honest with him all my life in till recently.
I’ve grown feelings for him that go beyond “father and daughter” feelings, feelings that I’m not sure that I’ll ever reveal to him, feelings that were beginning to worry my and some times my worry’s showed when he was around, worry’s that he was beginning to notice. “You’re starting to shiver.” His voice brought me out of my thoughts. Indeed I was. Now that the terror had receded, my sweat had turned cold and my fur was soaked. “I’ll get you a towel.” I almost spoke, almost told him no and wrapped my arms around him, but I didn’t.
Carefully, he released me from his grip and I slowly moved from his protection. As he swung his legs over the edge of the bed the moonlight caught his chest and back and I thought I saw blood, but I dismissed it as a trick of the light. He exited the room and I was alone once more, I listened intently, and upon hearing water running, I intrigued on to why he needed it and at the same time I was also still smelling that strange odor, it seemed so familiar. He came back in with a washrag, a bowel of water, and a towel, when he walked back in the smell became stronger too.
By now he was holding out his hand and waiting for me to take it so I could hop off the bed, so I did. He proceeded to use the washrag to wipe something off my face, something that smelled eerily like the odor that was hovering around the room, but was beginning to smell very familiar. Then it hit me. Blood!!! It was blood! That’s what I’d smelled, that’s what he was wiping off my face! But were did it come from? My self or…. My heart began to beat wildly. I started to turn, to really look at my master, but just then he covered my head with the towel and started to rub my head dry. As good as it felt, I was still worried about the blood. As he finished my tail and started down one of my legs, a car drove by and its headlights filled the room and then I saw the bowl. The rag and water were stained a sick deep red.
I let out a gasp, my master who was by then drying my feet, stood up faster then I could have ever imagined. “What?” his voice was drawn and quick, I could see than he was looking around wildly. “What?” then it was calmed and level. “Nothing” He looked at me and I could tell that he was debating my answer. After a second he decided it was good enough with a small shrug of his broad shoulders and he told me to climb back in to bed as he was walking of the door to place the rag and towel in the wash and to dump the water. I tried to get another look at his chest or back out I couldn’t.
After jumping back up on the bed I slowly slid under the covers, pondering (and fearing) was the blood had come from. Deep in thought I slowly fell back to sleep. I awoke a few hours later and my first thought was “how long have I been out?” my 2ed one was about my master, and were he was because he wasn’t next to me. Suddenly and very unexpectedly, the bed heaved up, needless to say I was quite startled, my eyes flew open and then I realized were my master was. When my master had returned he had gotten in to bed so gently and quietly that, even with my super sharp senses, I didn’t even know. My master had then gently moved me so that I was half way on to his chest. One of his muscular arms was draped across my back, so light but at the same time more protective then anything I could think of.
I’d never felt more comfortable right then, then I have ever been in my entire life, and yet something was still off. Once more my nose told me what it was. My master’s chest was wrapped in gauze, thus confirming my fears that I had indeed hurt him earlier that night, but how and how badly? I resolved to ask him in the morning, but for then I thought back to how tenderly he had helped me,
I’d never had seen that side of my master ever before, oh sure he was nice and helpful, but he never revealed his feelings like that either, he had all ways kept his feelings to himself. Maybe he did like me more then he let on… I then shook my head to clear it, and my master let out a slight grunt, so I quickly, but gently, laid my head back down. There were more questions that were flying around my head, but right then the steady beat of his heart was all I needed and once more I fell in the abyss of sleep.

2/25/06
Dear Diary
He had awoke before me, and had all ready gotten into the shower, I lay there thinking, and when I heard the water stop. I heard him come in to the room, and when I heard the drawer open, I opened my eyes slightly. I had to bite my tongue to keep from screaming. He was covered in scratches; some were deep and had reopened in the shower. They were now oozing blood down his back. He quickly dressed his wounds and then wrapped them grunting every time he moved; he then put a shirt on and left for the day. After taking my shower and gotten dressed in my lab outfit, I proceeded to check on the experiments for that day, but my mind was fixed on that horrible image.
I couldn’t stop looking at my hands, and my nails. In the middle of Experiment 1,986 he returned home, I quickly stopped the experiment, but I was scared, I slowly began to exit the lab and return to the house, when I saw my master I stopped completely in the doorframe, not knowing how he was going to act. We look at each other for about a min. “Hi Fox” “Hi” “What’s wrong?” “Nothing”, my response was quick and fear filled, his reaction startled me. Never braking eye contact, he placed his binder down, then slowly walked over and embraced me, putting the side of his head on mine. “Still scared from last night?” “No” “Then what is it?” I pulled away from his embrace, not looking at him, I wrapped my arms around my self “It’s nothing.”
The next thing I knew he had gently moved my face so it has looking at his. “What is it Fox?” I knew that tone, he wasn’t going to take no for an answer then. I ripped my face out of his hand, and hid it behind my hands and started to cry. “I hurt you last night” I sobbed, he opened his mouth, “Don’t lie to me” I cried “I know about the abrasions, you must hate me now.” “The fact is I...I…” I just couldn’t say it, I stood there crying and I could tell that he was looking at me. I turned to leave the room, to run, my face still hidden from view, but then I felt strong arms pick me up and start to carry me. He sat down on the couch with me on his lap, once more I drew myself into a ball, and once more he placed his head on mine, cradling me, he spoke not one word, but sat there letting he cry myself out.
Soon my tears had stopped, and then he spoke. “So you do remember the dream last night don’t you?” “Yes” “Do you want to tell me?” His words were soft. I began to talk and he tilted his head to listen. When I was done he asked “Who was it, who was the person?” “I don’t know.” I looked up and I could tell that he not only didn’t believe me, but that he fully knew who that person was. “Fox” he said “You are the best thing to ever happen to this world. You are who you are, and I wouldn’t change one damn thing about you, I think you’re the most beautiful person I ever meet.” I looked into my masters deep blue eyes and he looked right back into mine. Then he smiled he funny half smile and I knew every thing was going to be all right.